Seven Things I Will Not Think About in the Last Seconds of My Life

“I am a master of hallucination.” 
–Arthur Rimbaud

I will not think about my retirement account. I will rest inside a concession stand of white gauze, sun hot. I will ask for water loaded with chunks of ice as a pinball machine rises from Poseidon’s eyebrow. I swallow chrome balls like egg yolks slipped into a swimming pool of cake batter.  Lights flash. The machine will tilt. Or maybe it will be cold and drizzly.

I will not think about being late for zumba and the hip-hop music that sings over the speakers about my Sexy Body. I move my toe to the rhythm of the kitchen clock and realize it speaks Swahili. Each tick repeats a sound: marehemu, marehemu. Felix the Cat stands at the center of the kitchen clock with hands outstretched for donations.

I will not think if my heels are rough against my bedcovers, nor will I be bothered by callouses or bunions that stick out like unwanted children. Instead, I will stare at the tattoo on the base of my foot, remember what transpired as I lay on a padded table surrounded by ink roses that climbed higher than I could ever dream.

I will not think if I need to go shopping. I will never need to visit the squat aisles of desire again. What I want is to move my thigh against your thigh, and then my left leg, and then my right leg. Water meanders down my spine. A flight of white pigeons thunders across my mind.

I will no longer think about remembering my passwords or where they are stored, lost the abracadabra consisting of eight digits, a combination of numbers and letters, upper and lower case and containing one symbol. I want an ampersand. I have lost my vowels. No more unique passwords except for the skeleton key that opens all passage ways in a shudder of shoes.

I will not think if I can do the electric slide.

I will not think about dying.





About Lenore Weiss

Lenore’s collections include “Tap Dancing on the Silverado Trail” (2011) from Finishing Line Press, “Sh’ma Yis’rael” (2007) from Pudding House Publications, and “Cutting Down the Last Tree on Easter Island” (West End Press, 2012). Her writing has won recognition from Poets&Writers (finalist in California Voices contest) and as a finalist for Pablo Neruda Prize, Nimrod International Journal. The Society for Technical Communication has recognized her work regarding Technical Literacy in the schools. All material is copyrighted on this site and cannot be used without the author’s permission.

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